If IKEA made cars...

When I was a little kid, the only thing I knew about Sweden was that they made little gummy fish and meatballs. And for the longest time I thought the only market for Swedish fish was the small eastern Idaho town of Malad. Whenever we would visit my Grandma there, we would do three things: fish at Crowthers Reservoir, eat some good bacon, and purge ourselves on Swedish fish. I never saw the candy anywhere else, so I figured they had a special market with old folks (I think the mean age in Malad is about 70). Well, I guess the GDP from Swedish fish and meatballs wasn’t good enough, because they moved into the furniture market—and the world is a better place for it.

Who knew the Swedes had so much engineering skill hiding behind those tight blonde braids and blue eyes. Their furniture is incredible! IKEA makes my life heavenly with tiny chairs, sleek designs, and space-saving, ready-to-assemble furniture. A trip to IKEA routinely sets me back about 150 bones, but I never have buyer’s remorse. Where else can you get an 8 dollar side table and feel like a king of modern interior design? I think they should get into other markets. Like the auto industry, for example.

If IKEA made cars, they would be cheap, efficient, and cute as a button! I’m sure an IKEA car would have a hideaway stove, room for 12 people, a separate bedroom, and still be the size of a Honda Civic, all at the price of a scooter. While we are admiring them so much, why don’t we just let the Swedes rule the world? Oh yeah, they did once and people hated them and their pointy, horned helmets. But I don’t think they would rape, pillage, and burn as much now as they did back then. They would just make cute tables for everyone, and maybe make Dancing Queen the world anthem.