Sooooooo, as some of you know, I write blogs on the side for a bit of extra dough. I've made it a goal this year to pull in about 400 extra bones each month by ghost writing SEO blogs. If you have never heard of this type of work, it basically amounts to me writing about a topic based around something someone might search for on the internet. For example, if you wanted pizza in New Brunswick, you might search for "pizza new brunswick." Well in order for the search to link you to a delicious pizza in real life, the internet must magically grab content dealing with digital, internet pizza that have those words in it and then put that website in front of your face. Well my blogs help that happen for people. I don't do any of the dirty work, I just write blogs and they pay me money unless they suck (the blogs).
Well I was watching Psych tonight and then tried to write a blog about "self storage units" when all of a sudden I just wanted to channel Shawn Spencer. I don't have anywhere else to put this, so I decided to put it here. Enjoy. Oh yeah, I kind of end it abruptly because I realized that I still have like 7 blogs to write to hit my $400 goal this month. Busy busy busy.
Why Self Storage Units? You. Have. Too. Much. Crap.
Most people take advantage of a storage unit when they just don't have room to store all their possessions in one central location. Some typical stored items include old Beanie Baby collections, inherited trinkets that you don't dare throw away because you fear they may have captured the essence and soul of a deceased loved one, old mattresses that you have to hide from the FBI because you tore the tag off of them, and possibly some old furniture, among other things. While these are all fantastic ways to use a 10 x 10 cinderblock-enclosed space, here are three far more creative uses for self storage units.
The Eternal Bachelor
Perhaps the most obvious use of a self storage unit is hidden in the name itself: self storage. A storage unit can make a lovely studio apartment, provided you pick a unit that has an electrical outlet where you can plug in the free hot plate you won at RC Willey last year. The other plug will of course be reserved for your pre-paid cell phone, from which you can earn your rent money by scamming old ladies into thinking they've won a $20 gift card to Walmart, then of course you steal their social security checks. After all, when you're self-employed, you can work from anywhere. But if you feel the need to have air conditioning, carpet, and sex every once in a while though, perhaps the next use for a storage unit is more your style.
The Bar Fight that Got Out of Hand
So you've gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle and ended up with a dead guy in your trunk. No judging here, stuff like this happens. Now of course the first place the police are going to look is in the river, but you are one step ahead. A small storage unit is the perfect place for a quick body dump. Make sure you use a fake name though, you'd be surprised how many rookies make that mistake. And pay the deposit and first month in cash. If you are lucky, this will have gone down in late November, giving you a good three months before things warm up and the raccoons start getting interested. This is ample time to do one of three things:
- Fake your own death
- Leave the country
- Become a professional athlete (those dudes are always getting away with stuff)
If none of those options are feasible, get as many payday loans as you can and live it up for a while.